It's all my fault.

Hey there bloggers,

Ah yeah, it's one of those days. :(
This feeling has been building up inside me lately, that maybe I'm too shy in person, and not shy enough on the net.
It has dawned on me my Netiquette may not be so great...

Ever felt like bagging someone because you can't do it in the open and think doing it on the net will gain your support? Yeah, me too. And I've done it.
My god, I've been flaming this whole time and lost a lot of respect (or so I think).
People, I think, don't trust me, because I seem like two people. :(

Hypothetically, I meet this guy who thinks I'm very sweet, innocent and naive (because I'm a little scared of new people) BUT on the net I freely bag pics and comments of him, thinking he'll understand it's a joke. BUT it suddenly dawns on me he might not respect me anymore because I have not been truthful to him, let alone myself. Perhaps now he only thinks of me as an Acquaintance.

To be absolutely 100% truthful, I was bullied.
Now, don't think of a fat boy pushing me around for lunch money, no; this was much worse. I was very good friends with a girl who one day decided to exclude from everything, write rude things about me on the internet and tell everyone in the school that I was a lesbian, with extreme negative connotations (I'm not, just to clear things up). As a result I find it hard to trust people and make new relationships, and as a result of THAT I have a lot of pent-up anger that spills forth on the net.
Before the several bullying incidents, I was very loud and outspoken (which I still am, around close friends and family) but got into trouble with my mouth...the same thing is now happening on the internet.

BUT I aim to correct this! I want people to see that: yes, I'm eccentric and opinionated, but deep down I'm a nice, generous person who aims to please the ones she trusts! If only people would listen.
Which is why I have a blog! Whilst I'm aware not many people read ME, it feels excellent to spill my guts like this...It's the first step to eliminating this problem I have. Plus listening to Raspberry Beret helps, lol! (Sorry, it just came on the radio, hehe...) "She walked in through the out door -out door- she wore a Raspberry Beret, the kind you'd find in a second hand store.."

Sorry, got a bit distracted! Despite this shit being flung my way I have still managed to keep my charming insanity. :P
If anyone happens to read this and thinks I have a horrible case of multiple personalities, I'm so sorry. I publicly apologise right here, in front of the whole interwebs!

I have also made a New Year's Resolution/Vow: I shall never insult another again, in their presence or not. I will be constant in the way I treat people, and I will show my true colours! Plus I will hold my opinion back if it's not the right time, and later write it in my diary (not here).

To the (ah-hem) 'Hypothetical' guy; I know I seem like a foolish, immature and nasty child sometimes, but what I've come to realise is that I really like you, and I hope we can be good friends. :)

I also promise not to use the word "Hate" anymore. I will be content with my life, I will not want excess or instant gratification, and I will feel nothing towards those I previously "hated".
Life is Good. Life is Great. What's stopping me from being happy, when I have all I need?

Vent Over.

Toodles,
ME.
xoxo